


That Time When Peter Parker Felt So Alone (And Why He Now Knows He Isn't)

by tacendaparker16



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avenger Peter Parker, Avengers Family, Avengers Tower, Canon Compliant, Eventual Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Other, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Podfic Welcome, Protective Avengers, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:21:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29420046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tacendaparker16/pseuds/tacendaparker16
Summary: “What’s keeping you alive?”Peter stared blankly down at his paper, pencil tapping rhythmically as he desperately tried to think of an answer to his last homework question. His psychology professor had assigned each student a reflection question to be completed as a major part of the grade, and this was his.But the problem was, Peter didn’t really know how to answer that.-----Spider-Man doesn't seem to struggle. But Peter Parker? Well, that's a different story. Lucky for him, he's not alone. His family has his back, and maybe even a little advice.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 18
Kudos: 114
Collections: Read





	That Time When Peter Parker Felt So Alone (And Why He Now Knows He Isn't)

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING(S): depression, suicidal thoughts, (inferred) self harm. This story does not so much include suicide, but as we all know how closely the two are related I figured it would be important to note as well. If you are sensitive to these topics, please continue with caution. 
> 
> ALSO: If any of you are going through a tough time, just know it will be okay. I love you, as do many others. And while I do not personally know you or your situation, I hope that through my writing I can convey the importance of your existence on this earth. Just know that things will get better, they always do. I love you, darlings. Every part of you. <3
> 
> **I will include hotline numbers in the end notes for anyone who is struggling. If any of these are helpful please use them, I promise it's worth it. I love you all <3

_“What’s keeping you alive?”_

Peter stared blankly down at his paper, pencil tapping rhythmically as he desperately tried to think of an answer to his last homework question. His psychology professor had assigned each student a reflection question to be completed as a major part of the grade, and this was his. 

But the problem was, Peter didn’t really know how to answer that. 

Sure, he had people in his life that he loved. He had May, he had Tony. Ned and MJ were always there for him, and so were the Avengers. Hell, if anyone else had looked at his situation they would have said he had everything. But Peter didn’t see it that way. He knew it wasn’t true. 

He didn’t have parents. He didn’t have all successful missions. And he was far from perfect by all standards. So, what was he supposed to say, really? 

He had a cut on his wrist for each life he hadn’t managed to save, a daily reminder of his failures. Uncle Ben had been his first, with many others to follow. 

He had a page’s worth of detentions, which was also far from perfect by any academic standards. No college would want him, who was he kidding? Even with Mr. Stark’s referrals, not even that would be able to help him succeed when the time came. 

And to be honest, he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve any of it. Not the internship, not Spider-Man, not Ned or MJ, not the Avengers, not _any_ of it. It almost even frustrated him at the mere thought that him, someone who by his standards was so unworthy of any opportunity, could have managed to acquire this life when any other person would have been better for it. 

These were the thoughts racing through Peter’s mind later that night when he was sitting on the rooftop of Stark Tower, mask in hand as the chilly breeze drifted through his sweaty hair. Patrol had gone horribly; Peter had failed to save a little girl’s life in a car crash then proceeded to be grazed by a bullet later on when stopping a bank robbery. _“Good thing you weren’t actually shot, Spider-Man!”_ a police officer on site had said. But the thing was, Peter almost wished he _had._

His thoughts were cut off as the sound of repulsers drew nearer, and before long a flash of shiny red and gold made its way into Peter’s peripheral vision. Mr. Stark looked down at the boy sitting alone before speaking up casually. 

“Hey kid, how was patrol?” Tony asked. _He really has no idea,_ Peter thought. 

“Um, yeah, it was good,” Peter said, hiding his sniffles as he kept his head down, avoiding eye contact with his mentor. 

“So, uh, FRIDAY told me you got grazed. Wanna go patch that up?” 

Peter didn’t respond, but just looked up with an expression of _‘really?’_

“You know the rules, kid, come on,” Tony sighed. He scooped Peter up and flew him down to the Med Bay, much to the spiderling’s chagrin. 

\------------------ 

“Okay kid, you’re gonna have to pull the suit sleeve down for me so I can patch you up,” said Bruce to Peter, who was now sitting begrudgingly on a bed in the Med Bay. 

Peter pulled the shirt down to his elbow, just enough so that Bruce could wipe his wound clean with a gauze pad and patch up his wound. Bruce finished up relatively quickly, then spoke up again. 

“Hey Pete, I noticed some blood trickled down your arm. I can clean it if you want,” he said nonchalantly. Peter tensed, clearly closing off from the topic of conversation. 

“No no no, it’s fine, I can just get it cleaned up when I shower,” Peter said quickly but firmly. Tony frowned. 

“Just let him clean it kid, you don’t wanna stain the suit any more than you have.” 

“No.” Peter said, this time more firmly. When Bruce reached down to pull back his sleeve, Peter swatted his hand away. 

“Come on, Peter, it’s not like we haven’t seen your arm before,” Banner joked, laughing. Tony’s face, however, grew tense. He seemed to realize something before speaking up cautiously. 

“ _Kid,_ pull down your sleeve.” 

_“No.”_ Peter’s voice grew hard. 

_“Peter.”_ Tony beckoned. It was odd, his voice was growing harsher but still seemed soft, his eyes begging sadly. Tony never called the kid by his real name, however, so this just showed how serious he was being. 

The billionaire walked over slowly and reached for Peter’s arm. He looked the boy in the eyes gently as he pulled down his sleeve to reveal his forearm and there, sure enough, laid neat rows of cuts. Some were fresher than others, and you could tell that the boy’s healing abilities had taken into effect and worn down some of the older scars faster than the other, newer ones. 

Tony’s face softened into one of… sadness? Peter couldn’t tell, it was hard to place. Given the billionaire’s sudden seriousness, Bruce had stopped laughing when Tony had first walked over to Peter and now softly gasped as he saw the boy’s forearm. 

“ _Kid…_ ” Tony breathed out. Peter’s eyes welled up with tears. 

“You’re angry, aren’t you.” Peter choked. 

Tony didn’t say anything, but just pulled the boy into a hug. After a moment's hesitation, Peter hugged back. He sobbed into his mentor’s shoulder as a tear rolled down Tony’s cheek. The two just sat there, in silence for a few minutes, before Tony finally spoke up. 

“No kiddo, of course I’m not _mad._ Why on earth would I be mad at you for something like this?” Tony questioned sadly. He looked Peter in the eyes as he spoke further. The billionaire rolled up his sleeve to show Peter his own scars. Bruce stepped forward and did the same. 

“We’ve all been there, Peter. We understand.” Tony said. Then it was Bruce’s turn to speak up. 

“You know, people think we must have the best lives. What, with being Avengers, and geniuses, and super soldiers, and... assassins… we’re their idols. But the truth is, we’re just as imperfect as anybody else. Probably more so,” Bruce told Peter. 

“You think I would still be here though if it wasn’t for the Big Green Guy, the very thing I thought was my greatest flaw? There’s a reason that bullet I put through my head didn’t work, kid: he was the one to spit it out. 

Point is, we all have bad days. Hell, most of us have had bad _lives._ We’ve all failed missions, failed people, failed _ourselves._ But what makes us heroes is the fact that we get up and fight to see another day, no matter how much pain and suffering it may bring.” 

“Well maybe I’m not meant to be a hero, then,” choked Peter. His voice was rough now, face soaked with streaming tears. 

“Peter, you already are one. Even before Spider-Man. That spider bite didn’t make you a hero, _you_ did. It takes a real hero to take an opportunity like that and run with it like you did, to use it for good. To save lives, to save the _world_.” Tony pleaded. 

“Why do you think I haven’t touched alcohol in three years? Why do you think Bruce hasn’t hulked out unless he means to? Why do you think Natasha finally started eating again, or Bucky got better? Why do you think Sam and Steve have been so much happier? And why do you think Wanda was finally able to get over her brother Pietro, or why Clint has finally gotten over his guilt about Pietro’s death? 

You’ve changed everyone’s lives, kid. All of us. Whether you realize it or not, we wouldn’t be who we are today if you hadn’t come into our lives. And that’s just us! Do you know how many lives you’ve saved on the streets of New York and beyond? How many families you’ve reunited, or how many others you’ve given a second chance? None of them, none of _us_ would be here today if it weren’t for you, Peter. You’ve given us a reason to live for. _You keep us alive._ ”   
With that statement, something clicked for Peter. And maybe it was the pain meds, maybe it was the lack of sleep; but the sight of two people who cared about him this much brought the boy to a realization: that maybe he wasn’t so alone after all. _Maybe he did have a reason to live for._ A few, at that. 

\------------------ 

In the next few passing weeks, Tony set Peter up with a therapist. He slowly started getting better, both mentally and physically. The cutting ceased, and Peter slowly began to feel himself becoming happy again. He found enjoyment out of more things like he once did, spent more time with those he loved, and found support through his friends and family. 

So, two weeks later when his reflection was due, Peter turned it in with a wide smile, full confidence in his answer. 

_‘What’s keeping me alive is those I love. And I couldn’t be happier because of it.’_

Why did he feel so confident? 

Because this time, he had a reason to believe it was true.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again, my lovelies! As promised, here are the hotline numbers (by country and category): 
> 
> UNITED STATES: 800-273-8255
> 
> CANADA (+QUEBEC): 1.866.227.3553
> 
> UNITED KINGDOM: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92
> 
> EUROPE: https://suicideprevention.wikia.org/wiki/Europe (visit this link and each number will be available by country.) 
> 
> \----- 
> 
> I love you all. I know this fanfic might have hit pretty close to home for some, unlike many of my others. But my hope isn't to mock, but to spread awareness. I hope everyone is well. 
> 
> On a happier note, this work is podfic welcome as always! I hope to update to some of my other ongoing stories soon. Have a lovely day, and "see" you all soon! Love you to Stark Tower and back. Mwah! xx <3<3
> 
> **little extra note: I have recently been facing some medical issues and a cancer diagnosis, so I'm sorry if I do not update as often as usual. I know it's been a while since I've posted a new work or a continuation, but I have been in and out of hospital lately on top of school and everything else. Please be patient. <3


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